Time can expand your vision

Hello Blogworld

I am finally back.  T&I are doing good.  Still no spankings going on.  He stills jokes about it but I don't that I could handle it.  Maybe someday but maybe not.  I am working on figuring out a couple of things.  Today I am just so content with life.  T and I ran a couple of errands this afternoon and really enjoyed our togetherness.  Friday night we went out and T was slow moving yesterday morning.  I did good getthing up and getting our cars dropped off for some maintenence.  I even ran out did some shopping for a new winter coat I really needed.  Lately I have been dong great on sales.  T has really been impressed with my efforts to save us money on big purchases.  And his praise is so appreciated.  I realized that I am a woman who is extremely sensitive to criticism. I get depressed easily.  And overwhelmed easily also.  I work in the healthcare industry doing private duty care.  I basically run my patients life.  Very satisfing to be able to make such a difference in the quality of life fot another person.  But then I come home and need to relax, and have time to myself.  Hard thing for T to handle.  He is retired and wants my attention,time and to be the focus.  So I am struggling to balance everything.

Good news on the family front and where I get my title.  I still have a relationship with my sisters.  I think it is possible that her comment about T needing to be protected may not have been about money.  I am not saying this is what she was talking about but it is possible.   I have a preteen child.  During that conversation I had told her that T watched my child while I went to court with the ex.  She might be concerned about T having to care for my child while I am working.  This is something that we discussed before I moved in.  Several discussions in fact.  But I am not hurt by her thinking T needed to be protected in that situation.  But if she is looking at me as a golddigger then I am hurt.  She doesn't like the age difference  But it's not her call.  I have attended a couple of family functions  for her children and we talk to each other.  But it's not the same.  I am waiting to see how she handles the holidays coming up.  That all for now.  
Jenny

A wonderful day

Hi Blogworld

Tonight I am really enjoying my life.  My day started off great.  I made a pork roast in the crock pot so we would have a good meal without heating up the house.  I got a load of laundry started,showered,dressed and tidied our bedroom up before going to work.  Work was good.  I got to do some extras for my client that will improve her quality of life.  This trust is something I have worked so hard to earn.   At home afterwards T and I went thru the mail together.  I have never enjoyed such domestic bliss.  I even like making plates for everyone.  T talked while I cleaned up the kitchen.  Then we went and folded the laundry together.  We are doing everything together and it isn't bugging me!  No annoyance and I noticed how I am asking him for his input on little things like what seasonings on the roast.  Right now I am sitting at the patio set outside just enjoying the weather.  Life is good.  I am moving on and enjoying T and the life we are building together.
Jenny

Family fallout

Hi Blogworld,

Yesterday was a busy day for me. I won a court battle with my ex.  And stoothd up for myself to him.  No more Jenny the doormat.  I sadly ended my relationship with my sister.  One sister realizes I am with Teddy for love not money.  The other let me know she thinks he should be protected from me.  That I made him sell his house and move.  And doesn't want me to bring him to her daughter's wedding this summer.  I know she thought I was moving in cause I couldn't afford my apartment anymore.  But that he needs to be protected from me like I am trying to cheat or steal his money. I am in a position to do that if I wanted to but I wouldn't.  I do my best to be as up front and honest with T as I can be.  I am looking out for him.  Moving in together has had it's ups and downs.  But I see myself trusting and turning over more decisions to T.  Last night I realized my sister thought I was a gold digger.  That has hurt me so badly.  I was devestated that she could think that of me.  I have always looked up to her and tried to earn her approval.  Well no more.  Years ago when I went thru my divorce I lost my house to forclosure.  Later on she told me how disappointed she was in me over that.  But when I explained how the payments would have been to keep it she understood and agreed with my decision.  Now she is judging me again without all the facts. But I don't think she will ever get the chance to change her mind.  I just want her out of my life forever.  No more jumping thru hoops for her approval.  T told he thinks she might be jealous.  I am making my dreams come true.  I am so happy to be here with T.  Our home is a peaceful place full of love.  My man makes me feel beautiful and desireable, intelligent,and wanted. I feel that I fit, I belong.  Last night after I finished crying I told T that I know we don't have 50 years together to look forward to but I want to enjoy everyday I have with him.  I have been getting bossy about candy.  T is diabetic.  I asked him to please not have it.  It took me 45 years to find him and I want every day I can get with him.  I love him with all my heart. 
Jenny

Well I am learning

Hello Blogworld
I have moved in with T.  I am struggling in some ways and in others have never been happier.  I have not been with a man 24/7 in 17 years.  T likes togetherness.  I am used to my space.  Especially in the morning.  He is too helpful. Wants to be in the bathroom while I am washing my face and brushing my teeth.  Open the sugar for my tea.  It should be sweet. I am finding it annoying.  I have apologized and talked to him about how I feel akward with him watching me.  The man doesn't miss a thing.    He has actually talked about spanking me.  I didn't say a word  he just said if I didn't stop trying to control him He would spank my butt.  I didn't object to it just tried to let him know my intentions.  T is diabetic and I get aggressive about him not eating sugar.  I mean well.  I want him alive.  But I see myself also pushing him, having a temper tantrum to get my own way according to him.  I just wanted him to see my point of view and hear me.  I was not feeling heard. And I want to see if he would follow thru but don't want to deserve that.  Does that make sense? 
Jenny

Control Freak

Okay I realize I am one.  Big time.  I want what I want when I want it,how I want it. But this weekend T took over.  And it felt wonderful not be the one in control.  To not have to make the decisions was such a gift.  It felt good to not to be responsible.  There was one problem for me.  I like my space in the morning to wash up,brush my teeth ect..  at my own pace.  He was there trying to be helpful and put away my hair stuff, close lids on things.  And it drove me nuts.  I actually did ask him to let me be.  And he said no.  I have to get used to this I guess.  But how???  He wasn't trying to rush me at all just wanted to be by me and talk.  I wasn't exactly Miss Sunshine so thankful spanking doesn't happen here.  I probably would have earned and deserved it.  Need to go make dessert so I will add more later.
Jenny

Family input

Hi Blogworld
Thursday I finally told my sister about T.  I knew she knew.  But she claims to have found out from a different source than I thought.  I basically got the reaction I was expecting  Disapproval based on the age difference and the fact that T drinks.  It hurts that both my sisters think I am with T because of financial reasons.  I know neither is in possession of all the facts.  In preparing to have the talk I have done a lot of soul searching.  I am with T because I love him.  I love him because o.f how he makes me feel secure and accepted.  I tried to explain that to my sister.  But it's hard when I was also trying not to come out and say how I feel rejected by my entire family her included.  I don't want to start up a big argument or fight.  I don't want to hurt anyones feelings.  I feel like an outside in my family.  It feels like everyone is waiting for me to screw up again.  I feel like I have disappointed everyone my entire life.  I know 2 years ago one sister had a fathers day party and the other sister came with her grown children. I was not invited,I happened to drive by going to a friends house and seen everyone hanging out in the yard and the cars out in front.  Later on I dropped by other sisters house and casually asked about how she celebrated the day and was lied to.  I have never confronted either sister about it.  I don't see the point.  It won't fix anything.  But moving away with T gets me away from that happening again.  I am close enough to come if I want or stay away saying I don't want to drive so far.  It gives me the power to let them in only as close as I want them to be.  I should also say there is a big age difference between my sisters and me.  They are old enough to be my mother.  That plays a part in all this I am sure.  I am really trying to be fair here.  
Good new is that my younger son and I spent the weekend with T.  Dear Son(Ds) loved his new bedroom and is really looking forward to the move.  I got to cook dinner Saturday night.  I love my kitchen.  Being there just seems to take a load of stress off my back.  I love relaxing in my recliner and the place just has so much more room than my apartment.  I can't wait to move.  That is it for now I need to get back to working on my apartment.
Thanks for all the comments
Jenny

Life begins

Hi Blogworld
Sorry I have been absent.  Life has been so busy.  T suddenly sold his house and we had to find a new place.  But we did and moved him into in in 36 days.  Yes you read that right 36 days.  It's been a wild ride.  And we did it together.  We are creating our home,our traditions,our routines.  He wants me and my boys to come live there.  I am so happy. I feel such peace,serinity and security at the new place. It feels like everything I have been waiting for is here.  Life begins again.  It's no Taj Mahal but it's my home sweet home. 
Jenny