What I want

Hi Out There
I am a lurker.  But I want to come out of the shadows and make some friends.  But I don't want my family and friends to know this side of me exists.  I want to be a submissive wife.  Pretty hard to do as a single lady, don't ya think?  I read so many blogs of DD couples.  And see that I am not the only girl in the world who wants and needs to feel cherished and protected by a man being in charge.  Frankly I have been divorced and in charge for over 15 years.  I am tired of it, it feels like a burden.  I want to fall in love with a man who could say this is how we are going to operate this household and if it's not done You will be sorry.  Sorry just couldn't type the S word.  LOL  Yes I have had romances since my divorce.  My relationship with Mr.Fix was for over 12 years.  But I wore the pants.  In the beginng I needed to in order to get over the Ex.  But that ended and I needed him to step up.  He didn't ...  Mr. Fix was becoming another child to care for.  Not his fault but not what I needed or wanted.  So I was a big girl and ended to take a chance that I could find happiness.  I met my Bear.  He told me he would always be the admiral of his ship.  My reply:  Good cause I want the first mate job.  I do believe my knees almost buckled.  He can make me feel so safe. But life is taking us in different directions.  And Bear doesn't want all the responsiblities that come with me and my kids.  It wasn't a DD relationship but he was in charge. He didn't spank but I kinda thought that might evolve since he was a real butt man.  But I am here on my own.  So I read and learn what I want.  I am starting to believe that society might be wrong, A marriage where one person has the final say is a good way to find peace.  That I am not weird to want this or need this type of relationship.  So here I am learning how to please myself.